Sick

Damn, the neti pot really works. The concept is slightly icky, the sensation is quite strange, and the taste of salt water running through your nasal passages isn't exactly pleasant, but, my God, I can breathe again.

Just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still alive, but with debilitating sinus issues. It just sucks because there's nothing I hate more than sitting home and healing. I have nothing to do. I don't feel like going out. I look like shit. I'm stuck here, and the worst part about that is, I know it's the best thing for me.

At least the cat keeps me company, even though she just sleeps all damn day. I wish I could sleep like that.

Which person do you go to when you need soup and medicine, when you're the one who's everyone else's go-to person? Add that to the list of reasons to have a boyfriend:

1. To help carry groceries
2. To run to the store when you're sick

After a year of being single, that's still all I've got.

Bangin'

Flirtatious Married Restauranteur: "Damn girl, you're bangin'."

[He rubs my thighs and back.]

Me: "You're married."

FMR: "Yeah, but I'm not dead. Besides, what am I supposed to do? You can't come over here looking like that and not expect me to want you."

Me: "I can do whatever I want. I'm not the married one. I'm not even dating anyone."

FMR: "Yeah, well girls who say they aren't dating anyone are actually dating everyone."

*****

I had no comeback for that one. It made me want him, actually. Imagine that.

Signs

So Amber told me over lunch the other day that it's prime time for Scorpios to get their romantic swerve on. Something about all of our planets or moons or something being in alignment this week. Step right up, boys.

Scorpio Woman:

Nobody has a higher opinion of herself than the Scorpio woman. Too self-possessed to struggle, Scorpio achieves her ambitions by amassing supporters who pave the way, if not roll out the red carpet, for her. She oozes feminie allure and forboding egotism in equal measure, bidding would-be mates to "come hither", but to do so at their own peril. The zodiac's indisputable femme fatale, she appears unmoved by a man's advances, using such insouciance to bait him into working ever-increasingly for her attention. She's all mystery, wearing a perpetual poker face--cajoling, challenging, and holding all the cards.

Nobody has a better handle on her own feelings than the Scorpio woman. As the zodiac's only fixed water sign, the element symbolizing emotion, she seeks to control sensation so as to never have it control her. Indeed, this fixed-water status can often make her seem frozen.

Scorpio woman wears an expectant expression, as if perpetually watching and waiting for something to occur, or someone to arrive. In conversation, she anticipates one's every word, often hurrying conversation along with quick nods or hissed yeses, visibly annoyed by even slight digressions. Never much satisfied with face-value discourse, she scans for signs of subtext, disingenuousness, or deceit, noting the ease or lack thereof in a person's voice or mannerisms. Befitting her fixed-water status, Scorpio woman is like a crystal radio, zeroing in on unspoken signals.

Even when convinced a man isn't "the one", she'd still rather take him on, as a hobby if not a hubby, occupying her mind with making him over in her image--chewing him up only to spit him out again, to her mind, better than she found him. In this and most of her relationship scenarios, Scorpio is convinced she's doing a man a favor by being with him, whether for a fortnight or forever. As vampiristic as it may sound, any man she takes up with is in some way hers, everlastingly. Given the indelible mark she makes on the men she's been with, they'd all be first to agree.

Famous Scorpio women: Parker Posey, Winona Ryder, Toni Collette, Jodie Foster, Vivien Leigh, Margaret Mitchell, Grace Kelly, Demi Moore, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Calista Flockhart, Bjork, kd Lang, Fran Liebowitz, Georgia O'Keeffe, Sylvia Plath, Marie Antoinette, Indira Gandhi, Marie Curie.

From Sextrology: The Astrology of Sex and the Sexes

Sounds perfect! Any takers?